Thursday, May 5, 2011

Voices of Motherhood

I entered a writing contest at Yummy Mummy and while not chosen as a winner I did have a lot of fun writing my entry and wanted to share it with you here :)  The topic was 'how has motherhood changed you?'

I bet if you ask one hundred mothers how motherhood has changed them, you will get a fair number of sunshine and lollipop answers, about how it has made them better people.  Why even the Grand Diva Jennifer Lopez herself has said that motherhood saved her life.  Let me tell you how motherhood has changed me.  Motherhood has turned me into the Green Horned Yelling Monster (GHYM).  I am a stay at home mom of two young girls, 2 and 4.   My neighbors cringe when they hear me loading the kids in the car in the morning, yelling all manner of instructions, on what not to do and what to STOP RIGHT NOW! I used to be a branch manager at a staffing agency.   Not once in the 7 years I worked there did I yell at an employee or a customer, even if I really really wanted to.  I didn’t turn into the GHYM right away.  Even I wouldn’t yell at a sweet little baby, but once they started whining non-stop, fighting, and not listening I could feel the horns forming.  The funny thing is that while I was in the baby buffer zone, I remember my sister in law used to yell at her children and I was horrified.  I recall I made sure to use my best Stepford Mommy voice with my own child that weekend trying to rub her nose in how patient I was with my own two year old.  Then baby number two came along, and hit the terrible two’s and I found myself out numbered by whiners.  I think my lowest point was this winter when I locked the keys in the car (thankfully not with the children in it) and I had to walk the oldest to school, while pulling the youngest in a sled.  I believe the sound track went something like this: “Do not touch the snow, put the snow down, walk faster, MOVE MOVE MOVE this is business not playtime!”  I sounded like a drill sergeant not a mother.  My poor daughter just wanted to play in the newly fallen snow, as children are likely to do. I did not stop and smell the flowers that day.  No I did not.  It get’s worse, remember how I said I was horrified when I first heard my sister in law yell; imagine my reaction when I first heard my oldest daughter yelling at her little sister in an oddly familiar tone.  I cringed realizing that was exactly what I sounded like.  I am not alone in the yelling, my husband is guilty of it too, and that’s where the GHYM double standard comes into play.  He comes home from work and after a mere 20 min looses patience and raises his voice.  Where as I have had a full day of whining to listen to before I loose my patience.   I feel like I at least have given it a good honest try before the green horns erupt.  I feel guilty almost immediately after raising my voice in lack of patience.  Many an evening I have cried on my husbands shoulder telling him what a bad mother I am and how I have likely ruined our children.  I wake up each morning with a prayer to help me file off my horns and soften my voice and nurture my children with my tone.  Some days I even succeed.  Today my GHYM skills actually came in handy.  The girls and I were at the sugar bush when a small group of older boys pushed past my 4 year old knocking her face first into the snow.  I unleashed the full feral fury of the GHYM on those little hellions!  Today my little girl looked at me like she had a tamed GHYM pet to protect her.  Today was a good day.  

1 comment:

Louise Dubord said...

I love you Katie. You are so real.