Last week was a bit of a rough one for me. Anxiety which has been absent for such a long time now, started to creep back in. I have taken anti-anxiety drugs all my life it seems with the exception of the last 4-5 months. This past week had me seriously thinking of opening up the medicine cabinet door and popping a happy blue and white pill. I didn't though, and I am determined to fight this anxiety without drugs. Near the end of the week I started to feel that familiar 'tug' and I felt God pointing me in certain directions. I prayed to God and asked him to help me get to church on Sunday. Now going to church on Sunday meant missing a workout so you can imagine that this was a bit of a conflict for me. Sunday morning came and I made it to church. In fact, it had been such a long time since I had gone that the church had moved! LOL.
I settled into my seat by myself and felt a little lonely. I looked around at all the families and couples and wished that mine was with me but that is a story for another day. I didn't feel alone for very long, soon people were coming to say hi and shaking my hand. Once the music started I could start to feel that familiar warmth and the tears started to spring forth.
The sermon that day (this is what I took from it) was on being born again, and receiving the gift of Jesus' salvation. Born again meaning a spiritual birth and trusting in Jesus's gift. The pastor talked about the Kingdom of God, which I had always thought of as heaven. But he explained it as the overwhelming transforming power of God. To experience the Kingdom of God we need to accept Jesus to trust Jesus with our life. I have felt that overwhelming transforming power of God and I had been missing it for sometime. I came that day to reunite myself with that Kingdom.
Something else the pastor said stuck with me, "We don't have to be judged, Jesus was judged for us and we have to believe in what He did for us." Part of my anxiety this past week has come from the feeling of being judged, in particular judging myself. Hearing those words helped me to let the judgment go.
The words spoken that day spoke to my soul and re-ignited the flame in my heart. It was if God knew I was coming and he was speaking to me. "Katie I am here, I have always been here, just trust in me, I will lead the way."
I feel like I have come home and I am so very excited to be here.