Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Loss

Unfortunately not a scrappy or cute kid picture filled post, but I feel the need to share with my virtual friends something that has weighed on my heart heavily this past week.

I found out I was pregnant a week and a half ago. Ryan and I have been trying to have another baby. Unfortunately the plus sign on the stick wasn't received with what should have been happy tears. I took the test because I had been bleeding for 12 days and thought that was strange. I thought I was having my period, but I was miscarrying. I went to the hospital where I was given the WinPro shot because I have RH negative blood. I had blood work done and an ultra sound. I was told I was likely having a miscarriage but there was a small chance I was still pregnant. I needed to follow up with my dr and have more tests done in the nest couple of days.

I was sad, and certainly it wasn't a pleasant thing, but I was OK and I was handling it. Perhaps, it was easier because I didn't have time to dream of the little baby. Certainly, it was easier because I already have two beautiful blessings, Kayleigh and Kasey. I went and did more blood work to ensure my levels were falling back to zero. I received a call mid week to say the levels had gone very slightly up and it was important to have more blood work done. I was heading to a cottage for the weekend and very anxious to know what exactly was going on. I asked that I be called with the results Fri. My Dr was not in and a colleague would be calling me. I called the clinic Fri to hear if there was news. The RECEPTIONIST said she had seen my fax and would get permission from the DR. to give me the news...I waited anxiously...she came back on the phone and said the levels had gone up again....she said THE DR SAID TO SAY YOUR STILL PREGNANT....she said it in a happy tone...that was it. I was stunned, and no DR. to talk to. In about 10 min it has sunk in....I AM STILL PREGNANT!!!! I am having a baby. I was flying high so happy, so happy. I spent all weekend, dreaming of a little boy, picking names, imagining all there was to come.

No where in the conversation with the clinic were the words, MISSED ABORTION or CYST MIMICKING PREGNANCY!!!! If the Dr. had read my file, or paid due attention I would have been told that an increase of 56 to 108 was not significant and that with me still experiencing bleeding things were not good. So I got a call from my DR. on Monday, she called to give me Fridays results which she delivered gravely...I told her I had already gotten the news Friday and it was delivered much differently. I am not going to continue it doesn't change anything, I just wanted to express how angry I am with poor attention to myself as a patient. I think this great upset and heartbreak could have been avoided.

So I am miscarrying, I still need to have more blood work done and an ultrasound. Its been a very long and emotional week and a half.

I am ok though, better than ok, because as I get upset and cry....Kasey toddles in and smiles and shows me her belly. I am better than ok and blessed because of my children. This is a sad bump in the road, and LIFE (and its a sweet life) goes on.

Thank-you for letting me share this, and my prayers have been with all women and especially friends that are wanting this blessing of pitter patter feet as well :)

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16 comments:

Diva Loca said...

great big bear hugs coming your way sweetness...i'll show you my belly too if it'll make you smile :)

love you

Stay Funny said...

{Love you and giving you a big hug}
xx

famille1999 said...

Oh no. I'm so sorry for you and Ryan. Sending big hugs your way so you can get through this hurdle. Take care!!!

Karen's Violetbliss said...

Hey Katie,
I am so sorry for your loss.
It sucks what happened with the Dr's office, that was completely unacceptable.
You are blessed with two angels that will keep you going, I know what that's all about.
It sounds like we all may be due for a little girly get together sometime soon.
Keep well...Karen

Closet Artist said...

Katie you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Renee

Barb said...

oh no, I am sending you a HUGE (((hug))) and thinking of and praying for you and Ryan.

Anonymous said...

So so sorry for your loss Katie!!! Big healing hugs to you and you are in my prayers my sweet friend!!! Sending you a ray of sunshine and that God watches over you!! If you find it difficult to go on for now, God will carry you!!!
Love
Suzane

one and one + two said...

Katie, I am so sorry for your loss. Such a sad thing to have happen...I am thinking about you and wishing you well.

Rosa said...

Katie, so sorry for your loss but also grateful you have two beautiful girls to cherish as hopefully ease part of the pain.

pink4u said...

Katie,
I am so very sorry...
Sending hugs to you and your family.
Take care,
Joanie:)

Anonymous said...

So sorry to hear this Katie :( take good care of yourself.

Kare Bear

Mellisa said...

I am so sorry this has happened to you again. There are no words to express how sad I am for you and how much I hope that third baby blesses your family soon.

Anonymous said...

Hiya Katie and Ryan, that just sucks! Sorry you have suffered this loss.
I have bought something for you Katie, to help cheer you up - 'Flake' multi packs!
See you when I get back.

Love Emma

Michelle said...

What an emotional roller coaster, Katie.

Rachel said...

You know how much I love you my dear dear friend .. my heart is heavy for you, but I know that this third child will bless you with it's presence soon enough! Keep your faith and you head high .. you are a strength to be reckoned with my love!

Always
R
XOOX

Louise Dubord said...

What happened is horrible. I am so sorry for you. My thoughts are with you. Love you.