Tuesday, January 30, 2007
I have been a firm believer for the last 7 years or so that dieting is not healthy nor successful. Rather I believe that we should all strive for a healthy life style of nutritious eating (including chocolate cake in moderation), exercise, and mental well being. I am a 30 year old overweight woman who loves her body, not something I came by easily after years of destructive dieting and bulimia. I also want to loose weight so that I can be healthier, get pregnant with ease, have a healthy pregnancy and lower the rating on my life insurance LOL. One would think that a well adjusted intelligent woman like myself would take her own advice and make small healthy changes to her lifestyle.
You would be WRONG. Yes I became frustrated after a month of attempts to make these healthy changes stick. Frustrated with my love for chocolate mm's and carb heavy snacks at night. I heard of this DIEt that would make you loose 9-14 pounds in 2 weeks, and I thought it would be great to loose a chunk of weight quick to act as a motivator and then I would return to a sensible well balanced diet.
10 DAYS. For the last 10 days I have not eaten once slice of bread, one grain of rice, one slice of potato, or crumb (except for the soggy sucked on pieces of baby mum mums I rescued from Kayleigh's highchair) and I have stood on the scale twice a day every day to let it determine how I would feel. I am cranky and exactly 1.5 lbs lighter.
Even more frustrating or rather frightening is that since the start of this DIEt I have been having nightmares where I find myself binging on bagels and muffins and then panicking and searching for a place to throw up. The panic and anxiety is so real. I dream of being in a bathroom with a lock that doesn't work and I can feel the fear of being discovered. Then I awake and I am so very thankful that I am not tied to that demon any longer. But also painfully aware that something lingers for me to dream of this.
Last night while walking home from my painting class I started to think about if this DIEt did work and I was to loose weight. I can honestly say that I was saddened at the thought of loosing this body (not as an excuse to stay overweight), this body that I have come to love. This body that envelopes ME. This body is special and precious just like me. I realize now that my weight, or my physical body is important to me and that it certainly does play a part in how I define myself. I am a big, beautiful, curvy woman that is also creative and funny and so many other things. I thought that I had gotten over that physical definition when I let go of the skinny bulimic me. Maybe the skinny and the fat Katie have a lot more in common than I had thought. Perhaps fat Katie has just learned to love herself.
I guess what I am trying to say is that I thought I was this all knowing, confident and loving... I AM FAT HEAR ME ROAR woman. When really my confidence and love of self can happen independent from my size. Well worth the 1.5 lbs loss and 10 days of frustration to come to this TRUTH.
So today I eat bread, and I stock my kitchen with whole grains and chocolate right along with the turkey and vegetables. And I commit to making small healthy changes in my lifestyle one loving step at a time.
Monday, January 29, 2007
Painting class....there's trouble...usually I have such a great time but last week I went in with an idea but was unable to get what I had pictured in my mind out on the canvas...it was a horrible disappointment and I left feeling like a big dark hole...and not my usual colourful creative self. So I hope things go better tonight. I will spend some time surfing the net for inspiration. Wish me luck.
PS. I hope to post pics of my scrap project soon.
Sunday, January 28, 2007
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Thursday, January 25, 2007
Kayleigh had been babbling recently strings of sounds like dadadadada, dodododo and durrr. Then she simply stopped for a few weeks. Then this morning she awoke with a snuffy nose and a sweet little baby face and when daddy reached for her, she looked at him and said DA DA!!!
These are the moments!!!!!!
Ali Edwards posted a challenge at the beginning of the year to choose a WORD to be a THEME of sorts for the year. My word is BELIEVE.
I believe in love. I believe in hope. I believe that God's love is awesome. I believe in forgiveness. I believe in myself. I believe in my abilities as a mother. I believe in my husbands love for me. I believe that we can change. I believe that there is great goodness in the world and in mankind.
I choose to believe that we can make the world a better place for her.
Wednesday, January 24, 2007
WOW WOW WOW I am in love with Jenni Bowlin's monthly kit, it is filled with everything shabby and chic and girly and cool. Check out my LO's on her site :) Yep b/c I think its super cool that my lo's are uploaded on her site hehehehehehe....ooh it makes me happy.
Monday, January 22, 2007
Why are wiener dogs so dirty? My dog is famous for getting into our laundry and stealing dirty underwear and then eating holes in the crotches. This weekend the CARISSE wiener dog OSCAR (guilty party pictured to the right) got into a bag of poopy diapers hanging on the closet door. He managed to tear them down and get all the diapers out.
I discovered this on my way up the stairs when half way up the smell of poop hit me and I thought "Oh please don't let Frodo of pooped again in someone else's house (which he did the moment her got to sarah's :(" I followed the poop smell to Connor's nursery where I found the torn bag and one dirty diaper. I called for Sarah and laughed my bum off when she said "WHERE ARE THE OTHER DIAPERS??" She then went on a diaper hunt only to find them all hidden under the crib.
WEINER DOGS are very cute and very BAD:)
Just so glad it wasn't my wiener dog for once :) LOL
Had an awesome weekend. Ryan, Kayleigh and the Weiner dog and I drove to Barrie to visit with friends. We met up with my friends from uni (Queen's) Sarah (and her hubby and baby) Mackey, Donnan, and Scott. We hung out at Sarah's parents house (they were gone for the weekend and have huge new mansion), they cooked up a storm and I ate and ate!! We played games and laughed and laughed. We told old stories of the good old WIlD days. I just have to say that I am so lucky to have these friends, to still stay in touch with them to have people that make me laugh so hard in my life.
TWO BEST THINGS ABOUT THE WEEKEND
1. Seeing kayligh play with her boyfriend Connor (see pic)
2. Seeing Donnan grinning from ear to ear with LOVE (yes love Donnan)
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
|A Hopi Elder Speaks|
"You have been telling the people that this is the Eleventh Hour, now you must go back and tell the people that this is the Hour. And there are things to be considered . . .
Where are you living?
What are you doing?
What are your relationships?
Are you in right relation?
Where is your water?
Know your garden.
It is time to speak your Truth.
Create your community.
Be good to each other.
And do not look outside yourself for the leader."
Then he clasped his hands together, smiled, and said, "This could be a good time!"
"There is a river flowing now very fast. It is so great and swift that there are those who will be afraid. They will try to hold on to the shore. They will feel they are torn apart and will suffer greatly.
"Know the river has its destination. The elders say we must let go of the shore, push off into the middle of the river, keep our eyes open, and our heads above water.
"The time for the lone wolf is over. Gather yourselves! Banish the word struggle from you attitude and your vocabulary. All that we do now must be done in a sacred manner and in celebration.
"We are the ones we've been waiting for."
-- attributed to an unnamed Hopi elder
Hopi NationOraibi, Arizona
I made this Sash for Kayleigh's room with bits left over from her bedding (which my mom made), I also sewed on Prima flowers, buttons, and some silver charms. The heart hung from it has been utteed to give it a glass like finish.
I also made this heart frame from a box of Doodlebug emebellies. See futher down my post on Bits of Home to see my other creations for her room. Thanks for looking.
Monday, January 15, 2007
B= Best Friend~ here's a hint she's sacred
C= Cake or pie~ cake (vanilla cake)
D= Drink of choice~ water
E= Essential item you use everyday~ cream cream cream
F= Favorite color~ love pink, really like sage or celery green, and blue and brown
G= Gummy bears or worms~ sour jubes
H= Hometown~ Lindsay
I= Indulgences~ pedi's
J= January or February~ Jan, start a new, new hope that this time I will be a better me
K= Kids and Names~ Kayleigh
L= Life is incomplete without?~ love...family friends
M= Marriage date~ oct 6, 2001
N= Number of siblings~ 2 sisters Jamie and Krissy
O= Oranges or apples~ not a fan of either, not a fruit fan at all really...maybe bananas
P= Phobias or Fears~ my family getting hurt.
Q= Favorite Quote~ boot scoot and boogie???
R= Reason to smile~ kayleigh or farts in general
S= Season~ FALL I love the smell and the colours, and the way the air feels
T= Tits or ass....boobs for sure
U= Unknown fact about me~ I have a question mark made of freckles on my left quad
V= Vegetable you don't like~ pretty much love all veggies!!
W= Worst habit~ eating to much, spending to much, basically EXCESS
X= X-rays~ not unless its really needed
Y= Your favorite food~trying new gourmet dishes at new to me restaurants. oh and PB
Z= Zodiac Sign~ Capricorn
I have had a dream since I was a small child to write a book. I have had so many ideas over the years....have gotten inspired...have thought to myself I am really truly going to do this!! But here I am still just dreaming. Untill INSPIRATION hit, the stars aligned, and all signs said KATIE DO THIS...FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE JUST FOLLOW THROUGH.
I was out walking a few weeks ago when my inspiration hit, and I mean HIT ME....I felt so alive, so full of words, a story was alive in me....I couldn't stop the words....they were coursing through my blood. The story just came together after all these years my ideas seem to have found their home in one story....I started to pray on that walk for help to write it.
But here I am weeks later and not a word put to paper or screen (LOL) I am truly afraid of actually trying, of failing, of my dream being a failure, at least by not following through I still have the dream. Last year I went and saw Jan Arden speak at the Westin and she said that some of the greatest things she has done our her failures. She said that she was even in the process then of writing her first book and that it was awful, truly awful, but that was the process she had to go through. I loved that she was able to say my book sucks but I love writing it. She is a very brave woman, do you know that she wrote songs and sang for years in secret afraid to show the world even her family what was in her heart? And yet she finally did it and look at her. And she still says that she loves her failures as much as her successes.
So....I need help, I need a kick in the ass, a pep talk, prayers......
Friday, January 12, 2007
6 months old as of Jan 9.07 and she can:
- sit up on her own for long periods of time
- she can sit up from laying down if you hold her legs down
- she rolls from back to front and vice versa with ease
- she loves to swim and even moves her arms and legs
- on her tummy she wriggles trying to move but is still firmly stuck :)
- she babbles all kinds of sounds
- she has little TURDS
- she eats purred foods from mommy's spoon
- she eats baby mum mum crackers in little pieces and tries to get them in her mouth her self (about every 1 out of 4 attempts works)
- she has just started to experiment with a sippy cup, spends most of the time sucking the handle but does get some liquid from it.
- she giggles when tickled
- she loves working things in her hands and easily grabs and turns multiple objects
- she has her bottom two teeth
- she is just the damn smartest and cutest baby ever!! LOL
I have made sweet potatoes, carrots, speggetti squash and green beans. She only likes the sweet potatoes. I have tried mixing the other veg's in cereal....nope still doesn't like them. I have also waited a few days and then tried the evil vegetable in question again...no deal. So today out of curiosity I bought a can of carrots....and she likes them. She doesn't not like carrots, she doesn't like MINE!!!
Throughly insulted here!!!
Thursday, January 11, 2007
I stole this idea from this blog http://soundsofscience.blogspot.com/ and thought it was fun so here's mine.
- A little bin full of baby bits and baubles that Kayleigh loves to forever dig in.
- A sleeping wiener.
- A huge painting I did that hangs in the basement rec room.
- Another painting, notice the little black wiener dog by the front door LOL.
- Another painting a 24x24 I did for Mell :) :)
- My scrap place.
- A bin full of mini's.
- A paper diva angel.
- An altered storage case.
- A bin of rub ons.
- My shelf of 12x12 albums that is bending b/c its so full, in the laundry room must find a better spot.
- Another little bin of treats.
- A tea chest filled with more embellies.
- A shabby chic peg board in Kayleigh's room where I have displayed some girly bits.
- A close up of a heart frame I made last night from a doodlebug valentine embellie box.
- Kayleigh's corner, some shabby bears, a guardian angel, a quilt my mom made.
- Kayleigh's dresser, it was my grandparents and I painted it.
- Kayliegh's crib and the shabby chic bedding my mom made for it (love it).
- Lil star my mom made.
- Altered Kayleigh 's name above her crib (I spelled it wrong the first time :(
- Shawdow box made by my sweet Stephanie.
- Top of Kayleigh's dresser including altered picture cube and an scrap album of her first days with us.
- Basket of mini albums about Kayleigh.
- Some picture frames I made of Kayleigh from the boxes of K&Co chipboard letters.
- 3 altered shadow boxes I made from boxes at the dollar store.
- The top of my dresser just some things that make me happy.
- A simply painting I did above my bed.
- Basket of reading material and other important bedtime stuff by my bed.
- A purse my sis Jamie made me that looks like a poodle skirt but its a wiener dog, it holds Kayleigh's books by the BOOB chair.
- Basket of face goodies.
- My bath goodies....mmm thanks Shannon :)
- Fav thing in my house, my bath, my nice deep bath that fits my big round bottom :)
- Framed pics of Kayleigh in my staircase.
- Very proud of my green colour block!
- An ingenious use of a half wall by my hubby ryan, this Mac is very useful here, for quick surfing and Kayligh watching her BABY CRACK VIDEO's :)
- Couch Art, 4th painting to try in this spot, think I like this one.
- Glass coffee table, love it!!
- My SPOT for TV time.
- Wooden monkey on my ass.
- Clever spot for more of Kayleigh's toys.
- Step chest my Dad made me :)
- more of my paintings